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Scroll through the gallery below to learn more about who the 13 Reasons Why cast is dating in real life — including Dylan Minnette, Alisha Boe, Katherine Langford, Ross Butler and more. Who's Dating Online? Relationships/Sex – by Dr. Phil Staff on 5:00 PM PDT, July 12 2006. You may think that men are commitment-phobic, but based on the research, that simply isn't true. A recent survey of single men dating online found that: 98 percent of men are looking for a long-term relationship ; Ryan Gosling is dating Eva Mendes. Yes. Yes. They were seen enjoying a casual date at Disneyland’s California Adventure Park in Anaheim, Calif., on Saturday. Madison, who plays Kiara on the series, revealed she is dating girlfriend Mariah Linney in a June 10 TikTok. A few days later, they went Instagram official when Mariah shared two photos with the ... Who's Dating Who in the Famous TikTok Hype House? By Sara Belcher. Updated 5 months ago. The Hype House is the new Clout House, except instead of controversial YouTubers filling the bedrooms, it's 20 of the up-and-coming TikTok influencers. Rumor Has It: Common has a thing for brown girls, and rumor has it that Common is dating hip-hop choreographer Fatima. They were spotted flirting and snuggling at a music festival in Atlanta ... According to CheatSheet, Palmer began leaving flirty comments on some of Styn's photos in March, leading fans to suspect the two were dating. In one comment, Palmer wrote 'My baby' with a kissy emoji. Work It: Who Is the Cast Dating? Single or Taken? A Breakdown of the Work It Cast's Current Relationship Statuses. August 5, 2020 by Monica Sisavat. 13 Shares View On One Page ...
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2020.09.21 13:34 Brainwash_TVMet up with a girl over a month ago but all she wants to do is text since
So I met a girl on a dating app, we hit it off really well. Lots of chemistry. Within a week she was sending me nudes and wanting to sext with me all the time. Eventually we met up, things went amazingly well, and as soon as she got home she was texting me and asking when we could meet up again. But on the day we were meant to meet up she said she was really tired because she'd just had her first day of placement, understandable, so I asked when she'd be free again and she said the weekend. Come the weekend she said she was feeling sick (she's diabetic), so we just watched a movie on Netflix Party instead, chatted the whole way through, things were good, and then over the next week she became more and more distant. Every now and then she would start texting me again, I'd try to organise another meet up but she kept blowing me off for one reason or another so I just assumed she wasn't interested anymore and pulled back entirely. But every couple of days she would initiate things again, apologise for being distant, list off a whole bunch of reasons why she had been (family issues etc.), we'd chat for a bit and then she'd go ghost again. Needless to say the whole process was doing my head in so I gave her an out, said I'd really enjoyed the time we had together but decided it wasn't going to work out, and that was that. But then a few days later (last week) she messaged me out of the blue again, was super flirty and sent me a picture of her shower (which in the past suggested she was about to send me some nudes) but when I replied with a winky emoticon, like I had before, she not only ignored me but never opened the message for the rest of the night (this was in the span of 10 minutes, like - who the fuck changes their mind within 10 minutes?). Sent me some random snapchat the next day like nothing had happened and I haven't heard from her since. I have literally never gone through a headfuck like this before. One minute she's keen AF, the next minute she has no interest whatsoever. Honestly I don't need this bullshit, but I haven't had a connection like this with a girl for quite some time. Still, I'm just over this hot and cold bullshit. I can't tell if she just doesn't know what she wants, just likes the attention, or is just keeping me on the side as a backup or what the deal is. Most girls when they lose interest it just dies out and that's that, but every time I think this shit is over she reels me back in, and like an idiot I fall for it every time. Any advice would be appreciated.
2020.09.21 13:31 pinkmacaroonsLet's talk about gaslighting for a sec
I want to talk about gaslighting in dating and relationships because it’s not only something pathological narcissists do. Actually, the majority of men do it and it is something so deeply rooted in our culture that most of the time, women don’t even notice they’re being gaslighted. Here’s the thing: Women are socially conditioned to collaborate and empathize. When our partner communicates his needs (at least, in a normal way) we simply look for ways to accommodate those. Most men on the other hand, with their fragile masculinity, are taught to always prove their masculinity by showing how different they are from women. Aka avoiding talking about or showing emotions altogether or avoiding the ‘soft stuff’ their female partners expect from them. The epitome of emasculation would be to be controlled by a woman, being ‘a doormat’. So this idea frightens most men. Which leaves them with the dilemma: control them, or be controlled. That’s why, whenever you’re trying to communicate your needs with a man or asking him to stop certain hurtful behaviour, chances are he will hop right into defense mode. He’ll blame you for nagging too much, being too emotional, being controlling, irrational, crazy, oversensitive etc. The persistence of this gender stereotype that women are these irrational, overdramatic beings definitely strengthens him in that. Notice how 75 percent of the time when you’re trying to put something on the table with a man, the focus immediately is redirected to your personal flaws? And notice how, when and IF they eventually give in, they don’t see it as a problem that’s been fixed but as a battle they just lost? As instances where they had to sacrifice self respect? And rest assured, they WILL keep track of those lost battles and they WILL retaliate. Every dispute turns into a battle they have to win. Because if they don’t, they’re ‘weak’, ‘inferior’, or worse… Unmanly. The intensity or extent of the gaslighting may vary, but it usually occurs in situations where the woman is asking for communication, time together, helping her with something, to stop doing something that’s hurting here, emotional closeness, etc. You’re trying to communicate about these things that are completely normal and they will make you feel crazy for it. And eventually, it starts messing with your head and you actually feel crazy… By design. I actually feel sane and it's probably the first time in my life I felt sane for so long. In my relationships I felt like I was crazy All. The. Time. Recently I tried dating someone and when I called him out for doing something super inconsiderate, he did that thing where he tried to redirect the spotlight to the way in which I called him out. That’s when I remembered how it felt, and when I realized that I haven’t felt crazy for 10 months (the current duration of my singlehood). Safe to say we're not talking anymore. This is why you need a truth commission, like Oprah does. Talk about the fights you have and ask them if you are indeed out of line. I bet 99% of the time, you're not. Also, never trust a man who says his exes are crazy. Because even if it’s true, he probably gaslighted them into insanity. You’re not too emotional. You’re not nagging. Stay woke, sis. Thank you @PinkFurLookinLikeCam for inspiring me to make a post out of this. Source: Dr. Athena Staik
2020.09.21 13:30 sumn_randomI cried for the first time in 6 years yesterday
It would seriously mean a lot of someone would read this. I know it’s long and I usually skip over stuff like this on Reddit too but I need it right now. I feel broken. I don’t feel I have anyone to talk to. It would mean so much if someone messaged me or commented or whatever. I just need something i don’t think I can do this alone Me and my gf have been dating for 3.5 years. I’m 17 and it feels like all I’ve ever known. I’m sure you guys can relate because your all as young as I am that 3 years means a lot to us at this age. I love my gf to death but I feel broken. This summer our relationship was so good and so tight but school fucks us over. My gf told me she wants to take a step back and date around. I’ve always known that’s the right thing to do I just didn’t like to dwell on it cuz the thought of it made me sad to loose her. We love eachother and I know that without a doubt. Shes my best friend but this week she cracked the news she wanted a step back and she told me she wanted both of us to date around in college and yesterday she told me we are starting now. I feel broken and empty. I’m the type of love language where affection means the world to me and where I need to hear the words ily. When I heard she wanted a step back I wanted a step forward I wanted a step forward as in I wanted physical comfort from her I wanted her to hug me and hold me but ik that would just drive her away since she said she wanted a step back. Me and her are gonna meet tomorrow after school and we are gonna talk about where we stand. She told me she doesn’t know if she can say I love you to me anymore because it would be wrong is she was dating someone else and me and said that to me but In my mind that’s a breakup. I never expected a step back would mean she couldn’t tell me that. I need that. I’ve given up everything for her. I shouldn’t have I was too obsessed in the beginning and lost friends because I chose her over them. I love that I got to spend that time with her but now I’m alone. She’s my lone support system. I wish you guys knew what I felt so you could understand the level of hurt I am. I can’t get her out of my mind. We were talking until 1 and I woke up from a bad dream about us around 2:30 and I’ve been awake since thinking of nothing but her. I think getting depressed and the thought of everything scares me. I want us to be on the same page tomorrow. I need to hear the words ily. I will be completely broken without it. It’s just who I am. I want us to be the same people together and have the same fun. Since I’ve been awake I’ve been looking through my camera roll and wishing I could go back to all the days I’m seeing. I don’t know what to do anymore. I know dating around is the right thing since I’ve been with her since I was 14 and we both need experience with other people to know if we are right for eachother. I don’t want who me and her are to change I don’t want it to change at all. I’m gonna get jealous but I’ll get over it. I need to accept it for the both of us. Like I said ik it’s right. I just don’t want me and her to change and I don’t see why we would have to. I want our communication to still be great and how it is. One thing I love about her is I trust her completely. She’s never lied to me once and her communication had always been 100% and I’ve never doubted her in my life. I don’t want that to change I want us to joke and talk about the dates we go on and who we are seeing and whatnot. She wants that too but I started crying and being a pussy and I kept trying to call her and I annoyed her. I didn’t think we would treat eachother different. I didn’t expect it to be easy but I didn’t expect it to be this hard. I’m not a crier. I often wish I was. I thought it would feel comforting to let everything out. I’m the type of person that doesn’t show my sadness or cry. It all kinda adds up and I just shove it aside. Today I broke my streak for crying for 6 years. I cried for an hour and a half and couldn’t stop. Guys ik I’m repeating myself but I don’t want us to change. I’m so in love with her. Idk if I should say that cuz it’s not like I’ve dated other people to know but I’m pretty sure I’m in love with her. I’m scared. Idk what to do. I’m not afraid I’ll die alone and unhappy this is just breaking me right now and I need comfort rn and I want it from her. I am very closed off to my family because they are very religious and I don’t have views like them and my parents didn’t want me exclusive dating til 18 and group dating at 16. I love them ofc they are my family but I can never open up who I truly and and what I truly feel to them. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this. I made a mistake and gave her all my time and let my friends drift away. I shouldn’t have done that me and her both know if I was just young and obsessed. I’m obsessed but now I see I shouldn’t have lost all of that for her. There needs to be an even middle ground. I’m just so broken and I could type a lot more and say a lot more but ik when I scroll on Reddit I usually don’t take the time to read stuff like this but if anyone does please comment or message me because I could talk about this a lot more and I want to know someone cares and can relate. I feel alone
2020.09.21 13:00 DiceyRicey98He cheated on me, but I feel guilty.
About four months ago I (22F) found out that my boyfriend (24M) of one year had been sexting, texting, calling a LOT of other girls that he’d met online and had been on many different dating apps and had been trying to organise a threesome with another couple. This all happened from the very beginning of our relationship (April 2019) until I found out in May this year, 2020. Now some may say that maybe our sex life wasn’t sufficient enough for him. But I’m not a prude, our sex life was fantastic. Every day, sometimes twice a day. And we did things a lot of other couples don’t do. You know, butt stuff, toys, different places. It has always been good! I’ve come to know that my boyfriend may have some sort of porn/dating app addiction that he developed when he was single. He told me that he masturbated more than normal and that some sexual thoughts are intrusive and he can’t sleep. So as a devoted girlfriend who had enjoyed every second of our relationship before this came to my knowledge, I told him I would stick around and we could work it out together. I was willing to, not forgive him, but understand him and help him be a better person in that regard. Because he is an absolute gent! But I’m still in so much heartache. I still see in my mind the messages that he sent those girls, the dick pics, their nudes, the way he spoke to them...I remember it all so clearly every day. I wake up every morning and wonder does he really find me attractive. Am I good enough? Am I funny? Am I intelligent? Can I make him happy? Sometimes I hate when he touches me because I feel sick at the thought that I’m not sexy or attractive. Sometimes it makes me anxious to just get changed in front of him. We used to shower together all the time, but now I feel so uncomfortable I run in and lock the door before he even gets a chance. And he notices these things and it’s making it harder to move on. Yet when I get like this, or when I seem awkward with him...he gets so mad. He says I’m being I’m bitch. He says it’s for no reason. I think that he thinks it’s out of revenge or spite. But it’s just pure heart wrenching sadness. I feel like he either doesn’t get it or doesn’t want to get how much this has impacted me. I am depressed because of this. Honestly I don’t know why I’m writing this. But I feel so lost and alone and like it’s my fault that this relationship is getting toxic. It was so good before, we never fought. It was such a happy loving relationship. Everyone wanted to be us. Everyone knew us as THE couple. We had plans to move away, get married and were talking about kids. And I would have never found out about anything only I was looking for something unrelated and came across snapchats...and then from there I found everything else. See, I didn’t even check his phone for an entire year because I had 100% complete trust in him. We were dynamite. And now we’re sad and resentful. But I can’t just let this go, I know what he did was wrong. But I truly believe that he is a good guy that just has bad thoughts. And we truly loved each other at one stage. Can we get over this? Does anyone have advice for me? I’m so lost, I really need help!
2020.09.21 12:59 kooshmeister520How do I(m15) help my girlfriend(f15) feel amazing about her body?
So me and my girlfriend have been dating for quite a while now, and we absolutely love each other so unbelievably much, and she is just so so perfect. I try to tell her that every day, I want her to know how amazing she is but I don’t think she believes it herself very much. One of her biggest insecurities are around her body, she’s on the very curvy side and she’s always had a very objectifying dad who try’s to make her feel fat, when she totally isn’t. I’m just not sure if I should keep persisting or if I should try it a different way? Every time she calls herself fat I immediately call her out and tell her she’s beautiful, but I just don’t know how to make it stick. I’d love the help if anyone can give me some, she means the world to me. Thanks!
2020.09.21 12:57 geekette907Hmm flings and affairs...
Anyone else get a little irritated when, say you’re working on your serial romantic aspiration, you ‘flirt/date’ someone who you hit it off with fully knowing they’re married (yeah yeah.... I know choose single ones) and then they get angry at you for flirting/dating someone else?? Like dude you are married with kids!? I wish there was a way other than just opening it up with mods for all open relationships in order to tell them to get over it lol.
2020.09.21 12:53 ShamakasoWIBTA if I refuse to do a mother/son dance with my stepmother at my wedding
I'm a 27 year old guy who will hopefully be getting married in the next 12 months, if you know, Covid doesn't screw it up more. There's something I need to ask about here because it's become a serious point of contention between my dad and me. My mom died when I was 5 and he got married again when I was 10. My stepmother tried to mom me and I did not like it. A lot of it was my dad's fault. He was dating her for two years but we (brother and me) didn't meet her until they were engaged and she moved in, two months later they got married and she was still a stranger and expected to be mom. But nobody could ever be my mom other than my mom. I don't really remember her but I just know I was never on the market for mom #2. It was my moms biggest fear too per the diaries she left me and my brother. So my dad trying to replace her was a dick move imo. And my stepmother refusing to have a different kind of relationship was too. She would tell us she was mom of the house and was raising us so she deserved that relationship. My brother has a somewhat better relationship with them today. My relationship with them is strained. So when my stepmother called and asked me about doing the motheson dance at my wedding, I told her I wasn't doing one. Now she's upset and pissed and trying to change my mind. There is nobody alive I would do a motheson dance with. My fiancee and I are going to do a dance with our kids though, in place of the traditional parent/child dances at weddings. WIBTA if I don't do the dance?
2020.09.21 12:51 existential_timesWIBTA not allowing my daughter (16) to marry an urchin?
My daughter is a troubled girl. She hated me for some time because I told her I wouldn’t allow her to marry someone who isn’t in our social circle. We are a very wealthy and politically connected family, and I want her to marry someone of a similar pedigree. This caused her to run away for a day, and when she came back she was making up crazy stories about how my security team kidnapped this street rat with a monkey at the mall. After all this, I decided to find someone for her to settle down with. Then this young man (18) came to the city, claiming he’s the son of a prominent politician in a major city in another country. He expressed interest in dating my daughter, which upset her greatly again. However he managed to win her over some how. She claims he took her on a “magic” limousine ride, but her drug test came back negative. My Vice President then revealed to me that the boy is actually a fraud, helped by a magic man with connections. The man owed the boy three favors for reasons I don’t understand. Anyways my VP overthrew me as mayor and banished the urchin, but then my daughter and the street rat exposed him as a pedophile and managed to banish him. Now they want to get married, but he is still an urchin with no political ties and no wealth. WIBTA for refusing to allow this marriage?
2020.09.21 12:48 cursedboi12Friend I knew for over a year that I buried feelings for decided to unfriend me on Snapchat and I’m feeling used and confused.
Before we Begin there’s some things that you should now. I grew up a very evangelical Christian environment. My mother is a narcissist my dad racist this is how I developed social anxiety that was never treated. This is also why I was isolated for so many years without any friends I was so lonely how do use my Nintendo DS join into chat rooms just to pretend like I’m texting somebody. I spent years dreaming and fantasizing to belong somewhere with somebody I don’t think a lot of you understand what it’s like to be starved for touch, to be starved of a hug, to want to be missed by somebody. In 2015 I lost my faith but I could never come out for it. I’ve been hiding for several years now and it’s exhausting. Back before Christmas of 2018 I lost my job in a degree I didn’t want and I in a field that I absolutely hate it. I didn’t started working again until February 2019 working at a local restaurant in town. This is where I met a girl named Maria. Almost instantaneously Maria seemed very flirtatious around me. I just put it off as her personality and continued on for quite some time. But then we grew a bit closer as we work together at the restaurant. I got to know her more and realize we had some very similar interest. She quickly began to ask me to dining with her a lot after I finished my shift so we can talk more I did this almost every day with her. People at work began to notice and they thought that we were dating although both of us told coworkers that we were not. Besides she already had boyfriend anyway although she’s mentioned several times that things are rough between him and her. Besides her flirtatious personality she did other things that started building up in my minds and making me believe that she was very interested in me. Someday she’s made comments saying that whenever she’d see me it brighten up her day, I can often tell she would get physically close to me and sometimes she would poke me in the sides for fun because I’m ticklish. On one of my shifts that she asked me to dining with her and she began to ask me if I was dating anybody and if there’s anyway she could see my social media which at the time I didn’t have any. She’s the sole reason I had a Snapchat. One night as I was leaving we finished talking and she unexpectedly came in for a hug and I didn’t expect it she doesn’t normally give anyone hugs. One night I caught her telling somebody that I was cute and she didn’t know I was there. All these things begin to build up my mind I kept trying to defend myself and guard in the thoughts that she was interested. That summer 2019 I was heading off to vacation with my family. When she realize she wouldn’t see me for over a week she very clearly verbally told me that she would miss me. Throughout that week on vacation the only thing I could think of was her I realize that I had feelings for her and that I was an absolute fucking idiot for ignoring what I considered signs that she was interested in me. The next day I came back I was talking to a coworker when she had heard my voice came running to me screaming my name and gave me a hug. I cannot explain that feeling but that was the happiest moments in my entire life up to that point. To feel wanted, to feel special, to feel missed, it is something I dream and fantasize up for so many years. Before I said anything to her I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t just a personality so I just began to ask advice from other female coworkers and what they thought and unanimously they agree that she was interested. So finally I built up the courage and one of the days that I was dining in with her I asked her. She replied "Oh, listen I'm sorry that I may have gave you an impression that I was interested I've had other guys think that as well." I immediately thought to myself "What the fuck!? I trusted everyone around me because I was so worried about over analyzing stuff and everyone around me and myself was wrong." I replied "when I first met you I viewed you as a friend but people kept making comments and I just thought I might as well try. I know last Tuesday you told me about your boyfriend how things are just complicated I don't want you to think I'm an asshole for knowing that and me still trying to tell you something about how I felt." "It's fine" she replied "my boyfriend has noticed that I was getting close to somebody at work I won't say who but he doesn't like it when I get close to other guys, try to hug others, recently he said that I was ugly and I didn't care about him so some days I come to work just to get away just to focus on work." " Holy fucking shit" I thoughts "what kind a guy would say something like that to you what kind a guy would try to put you down like that" is what I wanted to say to her but I didn't. Already I feel like an asshole so I didn't want to say any thing else I figured that at this point it's just not my problem not my concern. I don't want her to think that I was trying to get her space so I just didn't say anything about it. Also I didn't really even know the guy, he sounds like an asshole from my point of you and other people who know her or her boyfriend says that he is protective but I don't know him maybe she just exaggerated a little bit but still why would anyone say that to her. At this point I was kind of worried I realize that I care about her and as a friend I wanted to at least be there for her but I just think she needs space. Before leaving that day the last thing I said to her was "listen if you need to talk just has a friend that's fine". I said that because I was still that worried. Things eventually went back to somewhat normal. She never went back to give me hugs and she never made comments of me being cute. But the damage was already done and I couldn’t get her off my mind. Eventually we began to dine in again just to talk. But after a few months I finally got a job offer for the local city library. When she found out I can tell she would miss me, I remember her grabbing my arms. Although I gottin a much better job offer I was still working for both places for several months. I continued working at that restaurant partly because I need to get away from my family. But deep down I just didn’t wanna lose her. Working for both places was exhausting at one point I was working for a whole month and a half without a single day off. Eventually I didn’t see her as often because her shifts were at different times. So on some nights after leaving the library I would show up to visit. I had legitimate reasons for showing up, one of my managers kept screwing over me with the schedules so how to make sure there’s no conflicting hours. Around this time I notice she was asking me to dine in a lot more you see I slowly stopped because I was exhausted but also I knew I had feelings for her and that she didn’t. When I knew deep down inside why I stayed at the restaurant I feel like a fucking parasite because of how I felt with her so over time I stopped looking at her Snapchat post I stopped dining in with her. But one night in February of this year that I was there she seemed to really wanted me to dine in again. As I was leaving that night though she asked me if I was working that Super Bowl Sunday which I was she mainly apologized and “said sorry I didn’t mean to stalk you with the schedule”. That same week I had to prepare for Super Bowl Sunday at work it was gonna be rough because everybody in town’s gonna be at the bar drinking. I was there all day and surprisingly she seem to have taken someone shift. That night was working really fast I had a asthma attack towards the end of my shift. My hands couldn’t grip anything I needed something to drink really badly she was holding a glass of water for me just so I can drink and asked me what was going on. “ I have a lot to deal with at home” Joshua she said “you know you can always text me on Snapchat”. “I know, it’s just a lot “ so I assume you’re not going to dine in?” She said. “No I’m sorry I can’t, I said. I said that because my feelings for her were still there and I needed them to die off but also I just noticed all the red flags with her. Even seeing all these flags I was starving for some thing and my mind wouldn’t let go. But then suddenly out of nowhere that same week I noticed she blocked me from Snapchat. I noticed because she said if I needed her need to talk to her that I could and I really need to because I’m dealing with a lot at home. I went back to work and confronted her about it. I asked her if I did anything wrong, she said”no I wouldn’t do that to you I’m not like that I was probably just a glitch.” But I can tell that was a complete lie I can see she was going through Settings to unblock me. This is around the time Covid hit and everybody was laid off for several months. This is also around the time that I became suicidal. Everything in my life was building up I couldn’t carry the weight anymore and she was really confusing me. We didn’t speak again until July of this same year. She responded to one of my Snapchat’s stories where I posted a screenshot of some random girl trying to sell me her nudes I jokingly told this girl “I’m not no Simp”. I don’t really remember what she responded with but eventually I asked her how quarantine was treating her. “Not good she said. I broke up with my boyfriend move back home.” I’m really sorry” I try to distract her by telling her how I quit the job at the restaurant but she replaies: "I had to quit" I felt like shit from that response because it didn’t feel right like if she thought I wasn’t listening. A few days later she messaged me again regarding one of my Snapchat stories about an anime character that I saw at the library. She's really into anime. She tell me it was from some Anime show she likes to watch. I told her i never did see the show and that I haven’t really watched anime since I watched some seen in sword art online that made me very uncomfortable with anime in general. Specifically with how the women are treated in anime. I think she told me it was a good show and that i shooiuld watch it. I begin to notice though she stopped looking at my stories. In just this past week she just removes me out of nowhere. I don’t know if it’s because I fucked up with some thing. Or was she that frustrated with my comment on anime? I’m just so fucking confused. When she blocked me the first time I panicked. It was overwhelming because even after a year of telling her how I felt I still thought of her. I was afraid of getting hurt again but for some reason this hurts so much. I spent years dreaming to be with somebody and now I’m wondering if I lost it. Was it me? Was it her? I tried to let my feelings die, I try distracting myself, I tried a lot of things. She’s been the most confusing thing that has ever happened to me. Even though she was probably a piece of shit, probably was using me, or just doent comprend how she acts around others or just doesn't care, I worry that she may have been the best that I could have ever had even if she was only just ok. She was one of the only other person that knew about my home life and I feel like shit, I feel like I was used up and thrown away. But I’m still wondering if I did something wrong. I feel awful, I feel like an actually Simp.
2020.09.21 12:47 oeroesOp’s sister just seemed to be unreasonable mad about the extravagant outfit her best friend wore at her wedding. But behind the whole big drama lies an even bigger drama full of lies, betrayal and deception
This is a repost. The original post is by u/tasisterswedding Original Post AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? Throwaway because I don’t want any family members finding my real account. My sister “Anne” (29F) has been best friends with “Ruby” (30F) for as long as I (25F) can remember, so growing up Ruby was like a second big sister to me. One thing that is important to note is that Ruby has always had the most outrageous fashion sense possible. She’s the person that would wear those runway outfits that you think no-one would actually wear. Anne got engaged pre-COVID. Almost as soon as it happened she started being really weird to Ruby. When she made me maid of honour I was kind of surprised because they’ve always sworn to be the MOH at each other’s weddings, but I am her blood sister so it wasn’t that weird. But I was completely blown away when she made a groupchat and I found out that Ruby wasn’t even a bridesmaid. Both me and my mum tried to talk to her about it since we figured they had an argument or something but she would only say that Ruby didn’t care anyway. I know that Ruby was hurt but she didn’t want any drama so I agreed to let it go. Throughout the whole wedding process my mum kept asking Anne if she would invite Ruby, if she would ask Ruby’s opinion, etc. etc. but Anne refused to have any contact with her or talk about anything wedding-related with her whatsoever. On Saturday my sister was married. She had a beautiful outside, socially distanced wedding. But she was SEETHING the whole time because of Ruby’s dress. It wasn’t at all outrageous by Ruby’s standards so I don't believe that she wanted to outshine my sister. She wore quite a simple wedding dress but that was her choice! As MOH I of course went to her fitting and that was literally the one she chose. Anne has been cursing Ruby out and saying that their friendship is over ever since (like she hadn’t been ignoring her all through lockdown …) Finally I just said that she’s been friends with Ruby most of her life and she knows what she dresses like and that she should have expected this?? If it was that much of a problem she should have found a way to mention it to her … OR just made her a bridesmaid. Anne LOST it with me. She sent Ruby some really horrible messages after she screamed at me. She didn’t say a word to me all of yesterday but she’s badmouthing me to our dad who is on her side. My mum has told Anne that she should apologise to Ruby for the nasty messages she sent and for yelling at me so Anne isn’t talking to her either. I don’t even know what’s going on but Ruby swears on her life that they didn’t have an argument or anything pre-COVID. Anne says that that’s none of my business and I should be supporting my “real” sister. My dad agrees with her and she’s rallied the other bridesmaids against me so idk, AITA? Just to clear some things up:
Ruby didn't wear a wedding dress or anything really outrageous. It was a dark red, bodycon dress in a satiny material. There were lots of people in form-fitting dresses (the bridesmaids were wearing them!!!) and she didn't look out of place. EDIT AGAIN: some of you people are ridiculous lmao, assuming the absolute worse case scenario. It wasn't a spaghetti strap dress that just barely covered her butt. It was an appropriate length and had long sleeves.
If this needs saying twice: the BRIDESMAIDS were wearing bodycon dresses. So were many other guests. It wasn't a particularly traditional affair, nobody was offended by our figures, Ruby's dress didn't massively stick out.
Ruby IS very attractive. She always has been but I never thought it was an issue for Anne before.
Ruby and Anne had been best friends for 25 years (they didn't grow apart or anything, they stayed in constant contact even as adults) and then Anne suddenly wasn't talking to Ruby anymore. My mum and I weren't trying to be controlling, we were worried! We assumed that something really bad had happened for them to cut contact overnight. When Anne refused to talk about it my mum was only more worried because she's normally an open book.
I don't love Ruby more than Anne or anything like that. The only reason I'm so close to Ruby is because ANNE used to be so close to Ruby. They were basically inseperable so I grew up tagging after both of them. Of course I love Anne very much, I just think she's being unreasonable in this situation.
Ruby was always going to be at the actual wedding. The phrasing was bad on my part, sorry. When my mum was suggesting that Anne invite Ruby it was to wedding prep things like dress shopping etc.
I don't know if "Dave" (groom) has feelings for Ruby. I have never thought that, they've met many times and there's never been any signs that he does. I definitely do not think it is an affair because then surely my sister wouldn't want to marry Dave and neither would want Ruby at the wedding at all. Ruby doesn't have a history of going after Anne's boyfriends or crushes.
UPDATE: Based on some of the advice I'm receiving I was going to tell Anne this morning how much she means for me and that I'm there for her, but she's seething again so I'm not trying to. Dave asked me if I could talk to Anne, because they've also apparently had a massive fight because he tried to defend Ruby on the wedding night. He asked me if I could explain where he misstepped and how to make it up to her. This is the first time he's ever asked me for help with their relationship so he's clearly at a loss. I said I was just as confused and we didn't even know why she wasn't in the bridal party so he should just try and talk it out with Anne. THIS is when it gets weird. Dave said that the reason Ruby wasn't in either wedding party was because he wanted her as a "Best Woman" and Anne wanted her as a Maid of Honour, but Anne wouldn't budge and said that they should just drop her from both parties to be fair. He said that she explained it to Ruby and that's why they had a fight, because Ruby wanted to be included. I said okay and just hung up but the more I think about it the more confused I am. If they had a massive fight about Ruby being Maid of Honour, surely Ruby would remember? Also, I don't know why Dave would want Ruby as his Best Woman when to my understanding he only met her after he started dating Anne. I really am taking your advice not to meddle to heart (which is a nightmare because now my curiosity is totally piqued) so I won't bring it up. It's possible that this is all I'll ever know and this will bug me to my grave but I have made a vow not to push Anne anymore on it. Thank you everyone for your comments. Thank you all the NTA people for reassuring me that I'm not the one acting crazy, thank you also to all the helpful YTA/ESH verdicts that helped me see how I could change my behaviour in future to be a more supportive sister. UPDATE 2: I'm even more confused. Dave called me up about 30 mins ago asking me (in a very angry tone of voice) if any of his groomsmen behaved inappropriately towards me. I asked what and he asked again. I could hear Anne in the background shouting something. I said that they had been perfect gentlemen at the wedding and that I hadn't had any contact with them since. He then asked me if Ruby knew that she was meant to be Best Woman. I said not to my understanding but it was possible that I don't know as both she and Anne had been quite secretive about what happened between them and that he'd be better off asking them themselves. He laughed and hung up. Ruby has texted me asking me what's happening and if I knew about the Best Woman/Maid of Honour thing. Just now, I got a message from one of the bridesmaids saying that if Dave calls me I shouldn't answer him. Anne is on the phone to my dad (screaming, it sounds like). I have no clue what's going on but I think somewhere in this mess is the truth of what actually happened. Everything seems to be exploding, I now think that the bridesmaids or at least that particular one are involved and if things keep happening at this pace I think I should eventually find out what in the flying fuck is happening!! UPDATE 3: There has been a LOT of shouting and tears today, honestly I'm exhausted but so many people have commented for the update so here it is. I’m still kind of in shock. Anne has been lying to just about everyone. The story is VERY complicated and long. This list is actually what I used to wrap my own head around it. It’s all the facts I have in chronological order.
Dave has been to jail and is an ex drug addict. He met Ruby BEFORE he met Anne: after he recovered, he was really struggling with money and Ruby helped him a lot. He considers her to be one of his closest friends.
Two years later Dave was doing well at his job and much more stable and functional. Around this time Ruby introduced him to Anne.
Anne was very reluctant to have a relationship with Dave because of his past but she had strong feelings for him. Eventually they began dating but she was still ashamed of the person he used to be, so she told us that they met over a dating app. Dave consented to this at the time.
As Dave became more comfortable with himself and the relationship became more serious, he told Anne that she needed to be honest with us about his history. She agreed to tell us but she didn’t. She told Dave that she had and wrote a FAKE LETTER from my family about how we were really grateful for his honesty and accepted him. She told Ruby that my parents had reacted really badly, so Ruby never brought it up with Dave or my family because she thought it was still a very sensitive topic.
When Dave proposed, Anne started freaking out about the wedding. Dave wanted people from his support group to be there, Ruby as his Best Woman etc. which would expose the lies. But she still didn’t want to tell us who Dave was or Dave that she had lied to him, so she decided to continue lying instead of coming clean.
· Pretended to be really upset that she couldn’t have Ruby as her MOH so she could make the argument that that she should be dropped from both wedding parties. She told Dave that she had explained their decision to Ruby and that Ruby had taken issue with it to keep him happy. In reality, she knew that if Ruby knew she was meant to be Best Woman, it could easily get back to me and my mum, and then raise questions from us about Ruby’s relationship with Dave. So she didn’t tell Ruby anything at all and that’s why Ruby was so confused about what happened and couldn’t think of anything. · Told Dave and all of his friends from his support group that they shouldn’t mention the addiction in speeches or even casual conversation because it was a sensitive subject for certain family members before the wedding. · Told the bridesmaids SO many lies about Ruby. She told them that she had a habit of causing scenes, that she was going to try and sleep with the groomsmen, that one of them was an ex-boyfriend of hers that dumped her, that she would get way too drunk. Essentially she painted Ruby as a disaster waiting to happen so the bridesmaids wouldn’t like her and also so that they could keep her away from certain people (specifically the ones that also knew Dave) at the wedding. · Anne also told the bridesmaids that only reason that Ruby was invited is because I idolise her so they wouldn’t repeat any of the lies she told to me.
After the wedding, Anne put on her enormous meltdown about the dress. The bridesmaids obviously didn’t have a very positive opinion on Ruby so they were easy to convince that it was meant as a genuine slight. My dad did what Anne apparently expected everyone to do by caving immediately because she was the bride. If me and my mum had done the same Anne would basically have used it as an excuse to cut Ruby out of everyone’s life.
She tried to do the same thing with Dave’s groomsmen by insisting to him that they had said inappropriate things about the bridesmaids. The idea was to basically remove anybody that knew the truth about Dave from the general social circle so it wouldn’t come up again.
Dave smelt a rat. He asked what exactly the issue was with Ruby’s dress and what exactly his friends had said. Anne panicked and accused him of not loving her, choosing his friends over her etc. and it turned into a massive argument. Dave was mad and very suspicious so he started calling people up trying to figure out what happened.
A couple of the bridesmaids said that Anne was telling the truth about the groomsmen (she asked/pressured them to) but most were kind of weirded out by the request and I think they successfully got that across to Dave. He called me to ask if I knew what was going on. Anne told Dave that I was just like him caring about Ruby more than her, and also that I wasn’t there when it happened, but the timing of the story didn’t match up so Dave called me anyway. That was the weird phone call.
At this point he knew she was spouting BS so he asked her upfront what was going on. She broke down and told Dave everything.
He was fuming. He texted us all to let us know about his past and then basically kicked Anne out. She came to us where she then had to explain again everything.
Anne is absolutely shaken. I never considered her capable of this kind of deception and manipulation and I don’t think she has ever done something like this before. Contrary to what some commenters seem to believe I don’t hate my sister. I feel sorry for her even though I’m really hurt by what she did because she feels so guilty and absolutely miserable because she’s worried that things will never be worked out with Dave. She’s gone to bed now very upset because our mum won’t even look at her. She’s fuming that Anne would deceive and hurt her and so many other people like this, I do understand where she’s coming from. My dad is also very shocked and hurt. Anne texted Ruby. She sent her a message explaining and apologising but obviously Ruby is really angry and upset. She just told her that she couldn’t speak to her right now but maybe she’d call her in the morning once they’d both had a chance to calm down. Dave is probably the most hurt out of everyone and I understand why. He wouldn’t speak to Anne but he did tell me that he really thought that he had our acceptance and that the letter she had written to him had been his most treasured possession ever since he received it and to find out that it was false was absolutely crushing. I told him that we did accept him for who he was and that nobody blamed him but I don’t think it helped much. He has asked for distance from our family and I understand why. I’m not sure when he’ll be willing to speak to Anne again or if he wants to be her husband after this. I wouldn’t blame him if he goes on to find someone else. Thanks Reddit, it turned out everyone was way off base although I don't think anyone could have predicted this. but a lot of the comments were very insightful and gave me food for thought despite everyone kind of looking in the wrong directions. (Except the weirdos about the dress. You know who you are.)
2020.09.21 12:41 Bigfoot_Needs_Wifi36 [M4F] Nashville - Nerdy guy looking for someone to share a childfree life with.
I live close to Nashville and I’m looking for someone who also wants to live a childfree life. The childfree scene here in Nashville on the online dating apps is pretty nonexistent. I know I don’t ever want to have children and trying to find someone else near me in the South who also wants the same is like looking for a needle in a haystack in a very small pool. Add to that that I’m an atheist who doesn’t like sweet tea, and that small dating pool shrinks to the depths of a parking lot puddle. Here’s a bit about me. I’m 36 years old, 6ft, with brown hair, a short beard and blue eyes. I’m 265lbs with a chubby build but I’m working on getting back in shape. I live 20-25 minutes north of Nashville. I was a military brat, and I’ve lived all other the world, I’d love to travel the world and/or live overseas again. I love traveling, exploring around town, visiting new thrift stores, farmers markets and flea markets. I’m a big foodie and I’m always looking to try new restaurants and cuisines. With COVID changing things, I’m mainly just getting take out and trying help the restaurants get through this period. My current favorite cuisines are Indian and Thai. Some of my hobbies are reading, cooking, bingeing on podcasts and Netflix/Hulu/etc, woodworking and building things. I’m a big nerd and I love all things Marvel and 3D printing, and pre-COVID I liked going to Comic-cons and other conventions. I’m a huge reader and my favorite genres are mystery, Sci-fi, Fantasy and paranormal. I’m always looking for new books to read. I’m an atheist, and I’m open to people who are spiritual or religious, but I’m not looking for someone who makes their beliefs the main purpose in their life or someone who doesn’t believe in science. I’m a liberal Democrat, a Hufflepuff. If you’re interested in personality assessments, I’m a INTJ on the Myers Briggs and a 5 on the enneagram personality test I have two bachelors degrees and I feel that education is something that never ends and I’m always trying to learn new things and as Neil DeGrasse Tyson put it “know more about the world than I knew yesterday.” I’ve never smoked weed, but someday I’d like to try it. I’m fine with those who use it and I think it should be legal for everyone nationwide. I’m not a big drinker, I’ll drink socially but it’s not something I do often. I’m looking for someone to go through life with and explore the world with. Someone who wants to have fun and who likes to joke around and doesn’t take themselves too seriously. If you’re funny, kinda of nerdy and got a bubbly personality and you don’t ever want to have children, drop me a message. if you’re interested in talking more let me know.
2020.09.21 12:36 OrdinaryAd8843Is City Global Cargo and Security a SCAM?
Sane here. I also met someone in one of the dating apps. We used to email most of the time and he was in Korea back then. He informed me that he will be moving to Syria for a mission and will visit my country next month. He then informed me that he bought some gifts for me in Korea. Pkg includes: Perfume, think-pad computer, iphone 11, tshirts, shoes, military kit bag, flashdrive, and personal docs. I kept on tracking the status of the pkg and it always shows Held by customs for clearance and when I chatted the csr, they are not responding and the person who sent me the pkg said to settle any pmnt at all cost so the pkg will be deliver to me asap coz he only pays the international fees. Same courier, City Global Cargo & Security.
2020.09.21 12:35 shitonabitchMy relationship with the "green lady.."
Im going to tell you all about my journey so far as I havent ever really talked about this with anyone, but it has started to become what i feel is significant, almost mystic, and possibly worth sharing.. I've done a lot of lsd and mushrooms in my life. Tripping started out fun and light but later become more challenging and personal (as it does for many). I began using psychedelics at a time in my life when I was also introduced to mdma which not only began to hinder my ability to trip (without extreme paranoia) but caused my sober reality to be shaken up to the point where I needed a break from everything. I have spent almost 6 years now in sobriety, recovering from a handful of nasty, nervous system issues as well as panic attacks and anxiety. All caused from rolling too hard, doing too much too often and taking psychadelics on off days. Before I had gotten to my lowest point on mdma I had been still doing lsd and mushrooms but the trips were becoming much more alien. I remember one lsd trip where an audible voice who I was sure was God made it's self known to me and I could ask it questions and it would answer with content that felt truly seperate from myself, like I was actually talking to an entity. Although my recollection of what was discussed is shaky, I became aware of this being that resided in this psychedelic word that had a personality which felt kind and helpful yet stern and scary. The voice only answered when I asked and didn't make itself known unless I brought my attention to it's existence. But then durring the last few trips I had before I quit everything that voice would always tell me the same thing and would repeat these words to me, "you're looking for answers in the wrong place, you need to not come back here anymore." And I knew she was right because I WAS looking for spiritual guidance when in that place in my life I truly did need to take real action and get a place of my own and a better job and focus on my goals in life. I tried dmt and heard the same voice and it actually stopped my trip. So I stopped everything all together. I left the world of uncertainty for a stable life where I could work through the suffering the mdma caused and establish a new baseline for myself. But then, this entity who I will admit i'm not sure if she exists only as an archetype in my subconscious or actually as some being in a demention I can't see, has started revealing herself to me, and i think it's the same person. This is where it gets interesting. I fucked up. I thought it would be prudent to try and make big loads of cash by making and selling hash and before I knew it I had landed myself in a jail cell with a felony charge and 4 other misdemeanors. I was looking at atleast 4 years. I didn't see how I would get any less. I'm panicking bad in this jail cell. I didn't want to be there so bad. I was praying so hard, wanting so badly to get a second chance. The people at the jail had me in maximum security (only 1 hour out of the cell a day) and they didn't have my medicine I was taking (lexapro). I later read that under large amounts of stress your liver and lungs can indigenously produce dmt and i think that's what happened to me one night. I went to sleep and then had the most vivid dream I have ever had to this day. In my dream I was in the jail cell normal as ever when someone slipped a piece of paper under the door that read "ring ring!" Then in my dream the fire alarm went off and everyone had to be marched outside to stand and wait. That's when a group of friends i didnt know in an suv showed up, caused chaos of some sort (I dont remember) and hid me under the seat to rescue me. They drove me to a place where I got out and I climbed this steep hillside, all the while paranoid and looking around me to make sure no cops were following me, but when I got to the top of the hill the dream went from incredibly realistic to impossibly lucid. I spent a few minutes just in awe of the amazing and super vivid landscape before me, until i noticed a room on the other side of the hill and decided to walk down to it. I found myself in a cement room with dim lighting and all these cats chained to the floor. They looked so sad and I wanted to help them so bad but all I could think to do was sing to them. Then, I looked over and this woman with green skin and elf like ears sat staring at a painting on the wall. I didn't care about the painting right away because she was just so beautiful that I was captivated like under a spell. I went to her and sat on her lap. She was the same size as me but felt much bigger some how. I went in for a kiss like a child under the spell of some elementary school crush but she stopped my kiss with her finger and used the same finger to turn my face so i was also looking at the same painting. She said to me (and I'll never forget) "God wanted me to sing you this song." The painting was a million colors moving around ,very psychedelic with a gold frame that looked almost like it had Mian or Incan designs on it. Then I lost myself in the painting and woke up. Not but an hour or 2 later I get a voice on the speaker in my cell telling me to "roll up," that I'm going home... later I simply got off with probation.. I've thought about this dream a lot. Since having it what I took from it was that if I wanted God to help me then I need to help animals the same way. That singing to them wasn't enough and that action is what needs to be taken and that was my purpose in life. I went vegan. I changed my life around and dropped all my friends who brought me down. I adopted a few rescue cats who are now the ones who bring me the most joy in my life. And oddly enough I havent been in a better place mentally and physically in a long time. I've long pondered if she was real or just an embodiment of my desire to be free and that luck is what got me out with hardly any consequences. It has been 4 years since I got out and last week I though I would dive deeper into the validity of her existence. I have been a little swamped with all the new responsibilities of my current life. Job that barley makes enough, expensive rent, car that broke down. So I thought, what if I try to pray to her or God? Ask them directly to reveal the green lady to me, to help guide me but also prove her existence. I always have ordinary dreams for the most part. The people in them I know or have met in real life, they aren't incredible vivid or peculiar, but after that prayer 2 nights later she revealed herself to me again. In my dream I was just going along with the usual dream material, looking for someone or trying to do something blah blah, but then I ran into an old childhood friend who was dating this girl who I was (in my dream) a little thrown off by because she seemed to stick out somehow like she didn't belong in my dream. My friend introduced me to her and I went to shake her hand. That's when I realized her eyes were bright green. All of a suden the dream got intensly vivid and she got right up to my face. She started breathing heavy and sweat started pouring from every pore and it was like I could see all of it in super high definition. Then she began to mumble as if she was being possessed and words not of her own were trying to make their way out of her to me. She said and I quote, " your life is going to be easy. Youre going to die early." I had this pit in my stomach when she said that. Like I was actually hearing something I didn't know not from my own mind. I said to her after realizing this might be the green lady, "but my life is really stressful right now." And she said "all of your stress is going to go away, but you're going ro die early." The dream went back to normalcy but most the dream I kept trying to find her and my childhood friend. My childhood friend to ask if she was some how a psychic or just crazy, and her to ask more questions. I found her eventually but when I did she seemed to have no recollection of even meeting me, much less saying anything to me. I'm curious what you all make of this and if anyone has had any similar experiences. I feel as if doing psychadelics created some sort of connection to her or maybe to my subconscious which becomes personified in certain hard times in my life. Either way. This is my story.
2020.09.21 12:27 TarquinOliverNimrodI’ve fallen in deep like/love for someone with SPD but I’m worried.
I went on vacation and fell for this guy who disclosed to me on our very last meeting that he has SPD. I would have never guessed really, I just thought he was a loner and busy (which he is) and I didn’t get the impression that he was having difficulty in forming a relationship with me, in fact in every relationship I’ve had this has been the one in which the other party has shown me the most love and care (not saying people with SPD are incapable, just that I didn’t think he would be able to do it so soon as we had 5 dates in total over a span of 4 weeks). Everything went really perfect while we were together but since I had to return home I’m feeling a bit worried. I don’t think we can sustain a romantic relationship long distance and at the minute I am going through a very pronounced bout of depression due to the uncertainty in my life. We tried speaking on the phone a couple of days ago and it was AWFUL. He just seemed apathetic and not THAT interested, it just seemed forced which was new for me. Anyway, before that we still talked everyday with him telling me that he missed me everyday, sending me songs and inquiring about my day and life, so the phone conversation threw me for a loop. My depression is really bad now as well and I tend to self isolate when this happens. He has been sending me messages and I haven’t been responding as I am now apathetic to most social relationships. He struggles with depression as well (medicated) and has once attempted suicide. I just want to say that his mental illnesses and SPD does not deter me from dating him, in fact he is the only person I’m even interested in dating at the moment, but I am worried about how the SPD would manifest in our relationship should we get the opportunity to pursue one. I very much am the type who likes spending time with my partner and doing things together. He seemed to be okay with just once a week. Can anyone provide me with any tips and advice for dating someone with SPD based on your own needs and how your brain functions and such? Thanks a lot.
2020.09.21 12:23 ThrowRA_MrE3291I (27M) have been waiting for a friend (28F) to be ready to be together on her own terms for over a year now.
On mobile, so excuse any errors in this incredibly long tale. A little under two years ago, there was a small snafu that involved me moving away from everything in the greatest state ever, Texas (yee haw) for a year to finish my degree. It involved leaving my friends, family, life very suddenly. Not to excuse my behavior, but leaving the systems of support and hobbies left huge hole in my life very quickly while I was unwillingly away, which may account for what happened next. One of things that got me was a VERY old friend's (since middle school and we shared quite a few nerdy interest good friend) girlfriend (whom I was friends with but never more than on a "this meme reminds me of you and oh gosh, Ariana Grande IS BAE" kind of way) and I got to talking about my move. I had always felt some pull towards her, but I just chalked it up to someone who's nerdy, loves memes, and is beautiful being attractive to just anyone and wanting to quote the entirety of Star Wars with someone. I had made it a conscious effort to never treat her differently than how I'd treat anyone else because I knew her bf was a jealous type and had been after her since we were all in high school. As I was preparing to move, at the time how I was excited about the change of scenery, which she was incredibly jealous of because she felt like her life was in a rut. Concerned because she was dating a friend, and because she was herself was a friend I cared about, we got to talking about life and how her home life with her bf wasn't where she thought life was going to be. I empathized on a level I hardly knew I could to someone. I am very introverted, and very guarded. My public persona is...boisterous, loud, and ridiculous to a fault. It is a part of me and one I like, but I'd say a much lower percentage than most people in my life would believe, I always feel likes there's a more private me that doesn't share quite moments or the pains and the things I carry all the time. But as time went on and it became evident how foreign being away from home was, I let me guard down around her and shared more and more of my own personal pain, goals, failures as she shared hers and her own secrets. I feel like we really began to lean on each other, at first just as friends. Things took a turn when one night I got a call from them asking for my opinion if they should just break up. Alarmed, I video called and tried to extract more of a story, but tried not say an opinion. I felt like the answer was yes even then, but that wasn't going to be my call. My dancing around an answer got him to say, "he knows his answer and just doesn't want to say it because he wants to date you after." At this point in my life, I haven't had a real girlfriend in 6 years, and casual is...so not me. They'd been dating for awhile and I never did anything undue in my opinion. I was sort of infuriated at the insinuation. While at same time, the possibility. Did I want that? It doesn't really excuse my behavior next, but I did want to date her...and I was just accused of it so I thought, "might as well if you think I am." I stopped holding back every conversation, just allowed myself to be me in every way, which includes no small amount of flirty. She reciprocated. We ended up basically having a small "bubble" relationship. We wouldn't talk about him, but we'd text and call, both just for emotional support, mundane chit chat and hilarious memes, and more NSFW reasons, at all times and hours. We talked our goals and dreams, and it seemed like they were all in sync with what the other really wanted out of life. A partner. An equal. You can guess how well this holds up as a function of time. He'd notice, say something, social media, I'd get mopey, timelines were never met...and one day he goes through her phone and screams at me over it. I deserved it. I didn't...do things the right way. Waited, been a friend, stayed out of it. After that call things really ramped down and we decided, back and forth in reluctance due to both of being anxious being without the other now that we had come to depend on each other, that we had to stop talking. I was not handling things well the longer it went on. She has had a history of things like this happening, and she said if we, something that seems like it could be solid and real, stood any chance she would have to work out her issues and be good for herself so she wouldn't keep trying to find it in others. I could only agree, wholehearted. She wanted to be better not for anyone else, but for herself. And no matter what happens, I hope she comes out the other side seeing herself the way I see her already. And anyone reading this, you deserve a chance to live and improve not for someone else either, but you.. We stopped talking regularly. She told me not to wait for her to figure her own stuff out. I said I would, but I also eased it up because I knew she'd feel guilty if I did that exclusively and I agreed to just "letting life happen if it happens." In the wake of things, I've lived my life like how it was before her. My friends, family, hobbies. I got a job with my degree and have been working in the medical field on the front lines of COVID. My life is busy and full of people who know about all this and care about me still. And I try and be better than the guy who went after someone else's girlfriend. I don't really date, as I said my public persona is a touch ridiculous and the cartnoonish side of me doesn't really get people hot and bothered. I rarely connect on deeper levels, which is why she was so significant to me as I was being the most unfiltered me. But as an introvert, I spent a lot of time alone, and my thoughts drift to her often. Having someone who gets you on a once in a lifetime level...makes the quiet moments harder than they were. I am living my life precisely how I've always lived it, always on a new adventure. But I still think about her every day. It's been over a year since we stopped contacting each other. I've been...less than perfect, excitement over my job, checking in when the pandemic landed, and a drunken sad text when my grandfather passed, all with polite responses and "not ready yet"s. Most recently a polite happy birthday exchange, as ours are very close. I guess this is less about advice and more getting it off my chest. Is it waiting for someone if you're just living your life, seeing your friends, doing everything you would do single but missing someone while you do? What do you do when there isn't anything you'd drastically change besides talking to them again When? And really...when you...KNOW in your bones they're the One...what else can you do but wait? TL:DR is I fell in love with someone's girlfriend, and I've been living my normal life with just the added pining, while we've had zero contact while she sorts herself out for her. Thanks to anyone who gets through the long post, and sorry for it. I know I'm an asshole, I hide it well in public. I try and be better than it every day.
2020.09.21 12:17 d0mm00Am I (24m) wrong for being concerned that my girlfriend (23f) slept with her friend (32m) shortly before meetimg me but still continues to see him as a friend.
My girfriend and I have been dating for 3 months. She has lots of guy friends and I have no problem with this. Shes very sweet and innocent and I trust her. One 'friend' however bothers me. Since we've been dating shes gone out to dinner with him a few times, she told me how they were friends so i never questioned it. She would however tell me how manly he was and that when they went out he would take charge and order her food ect. Shes quite shy and innocent so I can see why she would let him do this but It felt slightly strange that he was buying her dinner regularly. She eventually told me that she slept with him shortly before our first date. She wanted something serious, he didn't but she was feeling lonely due to lockdown and he took advantage. She doesn't like meaningless sex and made me wait before we had sex ourselves, she also comes from a religious background. She said he's very manly and she felt like he pressured her into it but even so she slept with him knowing that it was just a one night stand which goes against everything she told me. Shes always saying how dominating he is and being a few years older as well, I feel like he has control over her. I feel like if he had another chance to take advantage, he would and shes proven shes open to letting him. Despite telling me she felt used by him, she has continued to be friends with him. I trust nothing has happened since we've been together but I dont understand why she would want to be friends with someone who took advantage. Especially as they were not friends before they slept together. I got visually jealous when she told me and she clearly felt bad, said she didn't need to be friends with him and would stop seeing him if i wanted, i said I found it weird but I wasn't going to tell her what to do. I feel guilty for making her feel like she had to give up her friends for me as I dont know if I'm being unreasonable. Tl;dr : my girlfriend is friends with a 'manly' guy a few years older than us whos a bit of a player. They slept together just before me but he didn't want anything serious and she felt used by him. Despite her coming from religious background and not liking one night stands, she not only slept with him anyway, she has continued to be friends with him and let him take her out and buy her dinner as a friend. She has told me she will stop meeting him if thats what I want. Am I being unreasonable if I ask this.
2020.09.21 12:14 bfisusingmehelpIs my boyfriend (22M) using me (21F) for art for his channel?
I’m really sorry for the long post, please read the TLDR if it’s too much. My boyfriend (we’ll call him Dan) and I have been dating for about 3 years. He is my first love and I cherish him and support him 100%. We have had a loving relationship, but every relationship has its faults. About 8 months ago Dan decided to start a Youtube Channel with his friend (we’ll call him Mark). Dan asked me to make the art and do the thumbnails for his videos that he posts daily. I happily obliged since it was the only way I knew how to be involved and engage in his new passion. Not long after he began his channel he became absolutely obsessed with it, spending 6 or more hours editing his videos and only ever calling me when he was editing so we rarely ever actually spoke unless he asked my opinion of a particular clip he was editing. This was mildly annoying but I coped during the summer since I was working full time and not really thinking about it too much. I kept reminding myself that he loved what he was doing and I shouldn’t be sad about something that is making him happy. It started to bother me more because even on my days off he would record with Mark or edit his videos the whole time. At first I tried to be involved but after he only seemed to get annoyed with me I turned to just taking naps or playing video games while he worked. I decided to tell him I felt neglected and he apologized, saying he was just trying to be successful. I felt bad for getting upset so I stopped bothering him. I again started expressing how upset I was after his female friend came back into his life and coming over every weekend (we’ll call her Kay). They grew apart after Kay told him she liked him while we were first dating. She got a boyfriend shortly after that and they rarely talked. She and her boyfriend have been dating just a couple months shy of me and Dan. When Kay would come over they would be very physical. They would constantly play fight and mildly flirt with each other. She would say suggestive things to him in a “joking” way which made me uncomfortable. He would always sit right next to her on the couch while we would play wii games. I was upset so I usually died at the beginning and they would continue without me, giggling and touching each other. I even caught him place a hand on her thigh briefly but he denies it. Every time this would happen I would tell him that it made me upset and that he needs to set boundaries. If I was ever as touchy with another guy as he was with her he would lose his shit. He agreed that he would and was less physical the other times she came around but never discouraged her or stopped completely. When she would come over she wouldn’t knock and would instead just walk in the front door and wouldn’t leave when I had to go home, which I always assumed was the right thing to do when hanging out with a friend and their girlfriend. She would constantly stay until 12am or 1am. When I would leave she would hug me and say “thanks for coming to visit us” and that REALLY rubbed me the wrong way. All of the stuff with Kay really upset me. When I came over he ignored me and instead worked on his Youtube stuff, but when she would come over it was suddenly all attention on her and keeping her entertained. Not once did he even talk about his channel with her around. I confronted him about everything and we got into a few fights over it. When he kept refusing to set real boundaries I told him I wasn’t comfortable with her coming over anymore. I could tell he resented me but he hasn’t invited her over since then (to my knowledge). Don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with him having female friends. He has others that we hang out with and they have ALWAYS been respectful and none of them have told him they ever had a crush on him either. Since then he has been increasingly distant with me. He doesn’t say “I love you” as much anymore, he rarely wants to spend time with me, he texts only every couple hours, and since I’ve gone back to college he only FaceTimes or calls me about twice a week. He did come to visit me one weekend and we had a lot of fun together. He edited his videos at night or when we were just laying around so it didn’t bother me. I visited him a couple weeks after that and we were just our regular selves. He did invite Mark over to record and he edited a lot but we did spend some time together. Now Dan really only ever calls if it’s close to his video upload time and I haven’t uploaded a thumbnail. The past few times he’s texted me was to ask me to make graphics or other art for his channel. I decided to confront him on his lack of affection and how I feel unloved and unappreciated. He told me he is depressed because his Youtube is not growing as fast as he wants and he wants to drop out of college to make it his career and at this rate he won’t be able to do that. He says he’s emotionally numb to all things in life except his channel right now. He says his channel is his #1 priority and he rarely thinks about me anymore because his mind is preoccupied with other things. He says he knows he loves me but I don’t ever cross his mind anymore. When he looks at me he knows he loves me but he feels emotionless. Lately I have been asking him to come visit me again and he told me he wouldn’t be able to make the 3 hour drive for months because of how busy he was. He said he just didn’t have time for me anymore and if I wasn’t willing to go through a couple more years of this then maybe I needed to find someone who could pay more attention to me even though it would “break his heart forever to see me with someone else”. I don’t understand. Maybe I pushed him away because I kept nagging? I want to be there to support him with his channel and watch it grow together but I don’t want to be with him if he doesn’t love me. Lately I just feel like he only says or does things to keep me in his life I will keep doing things for him. I used to cry every night over this since it happened but now I just feel a little sad and mostly conflicted. I truly think he is my soulmate. I don’t think I’ll ever love again the way I love him. Our relationship was so amazing before and I feel like I need to stick around for him. Maybe this is just a rough patch and once he makes a career out of his passion he will go back to being my Dan. I don’t want to abandon him during such a hard time in his life because he has been with me through a lot. I just can’t shake this feeling that I’m really not cared for. We both deserve to love and be loved and I don’t want to keep him from someone that can deal with the lack of attention and be there for him without constantly complaining. In a way I’m afraid that person will be Kay. She had taken an interest in Dan again after the start of his channel and I have a feeling she would easily fill my place and then some. Maybe he would be happier with her but I’m afraid because I don’t want it to be her. I have disliked her from the moment she show her disrespect for me and our relationship and if she turned out to be the one that would make him happy forever I don’t know what I would do. In my past relationships they have always gone for the girls they told me not to worry about and him being the first person I’ve ever loved 100% I don’t think I would get over the realization that I’m really never anyone’s 1st choice. I know I should want him to be happy no matter who it is with but I’m selfish. Please give me any insight into this situation that you can. My friends are tired of hearing about it and I don’t know who to turn to. TLDR: My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. Eight months ago he started a channel with his friend and I do the art/thumbnails for it. He gradually became obsessed with making it his career. He began to ignore me whenever I was over but when his female friend Kay would come over he was 100% attentive to her. They were very physical and both repeatedly disrespectful so I told him not to hang out with her anymore which he seemed to resent me for. We have periodically talked about my feelings about the lack of affection I’ve been receiving from him and he told me he rarely thinks of me and is emotionally numb to everything but his channel right now. He is depressed because his channel isn’t growing at the rate he expected and he needs to focus completely on it. He only ever calls me or texts me to ask about thumbnails or request art/graphics. I feel like he is doing the minimum that he can get away with to keep me in his life to do things for him. He is my first love and I think I should be with him through all the hard times, but I don’t want to be with him if he doesn’t love me back.
2020.09.21 12:10 thehardestthingsBreak up and guilt
Hey! My girlfriend ended our 7 yr relationship this weekend, after a long period of stress. We met at a movie screening 7 years ago, and after a few months of back and forth dating, we decided to make it official. Moved in together three years ago. Although it hurts, I too felt that it was time to end it. We had tried so hard for so long, and it just wasn’t working. The relationship took too much work, brought us too many recurring conflicts that we never managed to move beyond. We left it both sad. No anger, no fighting, just sadness. We’ve been apart for the last days, but have met up briefly for coffee. What I’m feeling today is guilt. Guilt for having ignored those red flags that was there from the beginning. She is an incredible woman, and I was smitten with her thirst for life and her adventurous spirit. She brought colour to my life. But I wasn’t that sexually attracted to her. Sex was okay. Sometimes good, sometimes deeply emotional, but I still felt I was missing something. I didn’t wake up wanting to have sex, when I touched her I didn’t feel like moving from kisses to sex. But I played my part. After all, sex feels good. Physical contact feels good. After a while, when I realised this wouldn’t change. That the days would be far and between when I would look at her with lust, I tucked those feelings away. I told myself this was just something I had to live with, that it wasn’t as important as the rest of what we had. The fun, the traveling and adventures, the cuddling and kisses we were so good at. Our shared hobbies and friends. I ignored the feeling that sexual chemistry was more important to me than what I thought. I ignored that eventually this would eat at me. I ignored the guilt that I felt over thinking that she deserves someone who will love her for all she is, that somehow I was robbing her of this part. That I should have been the one to leave her. Then a bunch of other things got worse over time. Stuff that might have worked out or not. And in the end she ended it. Said she felt like she had lost herself. And I feel...relief? I’m sad, I’m crying, it feels unreal. Yet it also feels like a burden has lifted. That I won’t have to feel this pain in my heart anymore. And I feel guilt. Guilt over not listening to myself. Guilt over not having been honest with myself or her. Guilt over not having ended it years ago when there were chances. I don’t see that I can ever tell her this, and I don’t think it would help her on her way. She is a beautiful, strong woman and I don’t doubt that she will find love again. I just wasn’t the one. I need to forgive myself, but right now this feels like hell.
2020.09.21 12:09 OTLDHaving sex with much older women “cured” me of my problems with women.
So I have to admit something, until a month and a half ago is was kind of an incel. 21, never had sex or even kissed someone, and was occasionally bitter about it. My short height and not having a lot of hair made me insecure when it came to women. Many women would turn me down. If they were fine with me being short, they didn’t like nearly bald guys. If they were fine with a small amount of hair, they didn’t like short guys. I wasn’t violent or insanely sexist towards women but I became a bit resentful. I would see things on certain subs or certain tweets that would make me think all women would not like me and I would think things like”Man, women fucking suck.” I realized that this was a toxic mindset and that I needed to get laid quickly to help cure it. I decided that I would start going after very old women. Like late 50s to early 60s. I thought that it would be much easier to get sex from them and I was right tbh. I went on dating apps and set my age preferences high, These women seemed to not care that I was short and didn’t have a lot of hair. They saw that a young, in shape, clean, and virile guy wanted to fuck them. I got laid within 1 day of using this tactic. Within a month I fucked 8 women. I could have slept with more if I wanted to as well. The youngest was 59 and the oldest was 69(nice). They were all eager that a young, in shape guy wanted to fuck them. Thick gilfs with big booty are great in bed. Big ass is big ass to me, I don’t mind at all if it’s cottage cheesey. So to all you older women out there: Thank you! And for you guys who desperately need to get laid, try some gilfs.
2020.09.21 12:08 throw52618awayI had another meltdown.
I am an adult female. I am autistic. I didn't find out until recently. My life has been a series of unfortunate events and I was raised in an abusive household only to leave it to be with an abusive significant other. When they left me I crashed. I found someone else, who is wonderful and patient, with their own baggage. We discovered our diagnoses and issues together. Both damaging to the other partner. We stayed anyways. When I first started having my meltdowns they would always say they're done and leave. Understandably. But they would end up staying because that thing that comes out during my meltdowns isn't me. They cheated on me in the beginning. I can't work and household chores are hard. I don't justify their decision but I understand it. When we finally had a conversation and truth came out we decided to still try. They realized more baggage and disorders they had. I kept having meltdowns. They grew more understanding and tried to not take it personally. I am higher functioning but can't work and can't really take care of myself or my daily tasks. You just wouldn't think I was autistic if we chatted in a store. I had another meltdown today. They kept from me financial troubles and I decided to 'check up' on old dating profiles to see if they had been active. How a went to b was logical in my state. But emotions are many autistic people's worst nightmares. And mine control everything. I went to rage. Blind angry betrayal rage. I held it mostly together by not being too mean but I was still hostile and demanding. This isn't the first meltdown I've had with this person where I don't ask first because my 'facts and proof' look solid. I justify it as 'they'll lie or hide evidence if I ask first'. I have a lot of trauma and ptsd from my childhood and other relationships. My baggage could probably fill an ocean. There is reason as to why this is happening. I can only recover so fast. But I refuse to accept it. Bless this person for staying. And trying so hard to be a better person for both me and themselves. And I had another meltdown. I don't want to have them. I don't want to be an abuser even if it's emotional. I'm tired of being so terrified of myself and everyone around me. I'm tired of hurting myself in my meltdowns. I'm tired of hurting others. I'm tired of coming back to mess after going on a rampage without any control. Depression or anger, either consume me. I don't want my partner to leave me but I hate that I'm selfish enough to think that. I don't want to be alive but I have no want to hurt myself in any life threatening way (I don't hurt myself outside of my meltdowns and for anyone who doesn't know what an autistic meltdown looks like mine specifically includes slamming my head or hands against things, including each other). I want to be normal. Not this normal, but neurotypical normal. I'm not an abuser because I can't control this but I am an abuser because I refuse to let this be an excuse. I've only been diagnosed a few months and have accomplished so much since then. This is the worst meltdown I've had in quite a while. I'm in therapy. I understand relapses will happen. But I don't want this. Even if my partner leaves me I'm just going to abuse the next person and the next. Maybe I'll eventually control them. I'm starting to. But how much longer do I have to be an awful person to people who are trying so hard for me? I don't want to lose my partner. We have been together for years now and we have started a future together. But I don't want it because I'm like this. I don't want to hurt people. I don't want to put children through this. I don't want to continue to hurt the person I love as they take it and move on. But god I don't want them to leave me. Why am I even in this mess. Why did I have to be autistic. I just want to be normal.
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